Bear's Den sunset (better!) 30 miles to the ridge across the valley. 

Appalachian Trail, somewhere in northern VA 

Well, it's been a while. I've been really tired this week, especially since Thursday. Wednesday night at study, my roommate tells everyone that he's planning another outing to Bear's Den to watch the sunset, after last week's poor, overcast showing. THIS time however, the skies were nice enough so that I could take my 6-mile hike along the AT. 6 miles in 3 hours, with 2-3 500-foot climbs/drops betwen me and Bear's Den. I arrived only 5-minutes before the group did, and the sunset was great. I went almost directly to bed (stopping for ice cream on the way home.) Tonight, I was jogging in the rain.
My other excuse for not posting was that I really haven't learned much this past week, despite the help from Mike at work and the Wed. night study. At least I finally nailed down the next question to ask: faith is not "emotion", but a decision based on evidence of things we cannot see, yet I hear about people "on fire" for God; people with a powerful want to know God better and work for Him. I know the major Biblical facts from many years of church and study, and yet I have little fire: I struggle with sin and motivation to find time to study and learn. What am I missing or misunderstanding in this reguard?

Getting my hopes up

It is late and I am tired. It's cooled off quite a bit this week (only 80 today!) , so I've run several miles both yesterday and today. I was hoping to have something a little more profound tonight, but I left the book I was gonna start studying out of at work this afternoon. 3 of us at work (out of about a dozen office workers) had a short prayer meeting this morning, and then I met with Mike during lunch (he gave me the book "The Green Letters" to start studying.) Hopefully I'll remember tomorrow. My younger brother sounded like he was doing well; he's back at college (Computer Sci. major) for his 3rd year. Later!

Shenandoah Valley, looking west from Bear's Den Overlook on the AT, with VA 7 winding towards Berryville.  

Yeah...about that hike...

Ya know, the main reason I thought that AT hike would work was because there would be plenty of my friends at the overlook when I got there. When I got out of work at 4:00, it was nearly overcast outside, and I thought "what if there's no one there when I get to the overlook- I'll have to walk 6 miles back in the dark to my car instead of hitching a ride. " I went to the overlook later on, but I took the easy route with only 3 other friends. In the end, I only hiked about 100 yards of the AT to get to the site.

One of my friends from the youth ministry also works with me at my job. Today, while we were talking he asked me if I wanted to start getting together with him over lunch to discuss my questions about faith. Awesome timing.

A step forward

Like I said last night, the possibility of taking on a greater role in the church has me a little frightened ever since it was hinted at last May. All summer, I've felt unprepared for the possibilities-
"I've had too many doubts about my own faith and too many unanswered questions. If I'm not even sure about my own faith, how can I encourage others?"
-Specifically, I've had a hard time reconcilling God's apparent inactivity in my life to the active, emotional flow of faith that I've seen in both "strong" Christians and those who are actively struggling and seeking. The technical, scientific view that has been my focus since before college seems to contradict this touchy-feely, emotional faith that has been seen in others. And despite my own multitude of questions, I've wasted the whole summer doing very little aside from being dragged into prayer sessions and Bible studies. After all, I don't want to look bad to my friends and my church, now do I?

Finally, tonight I found some good answers at the weekly study. It took some wrangling to get to the point, but I got it.
1) Faith is not the absence of doubt. I was comforted by this, but it didn't answer my questions.
2) Faith IS NOT THE SAME AS EMOTION. My entire technical, scientific worldview had me thinking that since I didn't have this touchy-feely emotional charge, I must not have a strong faith. In addition, since God is outside of the physical world, you can't use science/physical evisence to search for God in one's personal experience, and that my only hope was that God would give me a "Road to Damascus" moment to turn me around dramatically. But faith is not emotion. This rids myself of the goofy idea that God must drop evidence in my face for me to get over my doubts and follow Him. There is truly evidence to be found for the nature of God out there. I simply haven't tried to look for it.

With that off my chest, I'm going out for a 6-mile day hike across the AT tomorrow after work. My friends are going to watch the sunset tomorrow from a viewpoint on the Blue Ridge, and instead of taking the easy, half-mile stroll to the overlook, I'll head in early from the other way and get someone to drive me back to my car.

I'm getting better

It's way too late for me to be posting, so I'll keep it short. Our young adult ministry had a meeting at the Dudehouse (aka. my place) last night. We started to plan what we were going to do with the ministry this fall. We've been praying about this all summer: what does God want us to do with ConneXion? Instead of starting up the usual Sunday night service again, we're going to try more small groups, prayer, and praise. Since nearly all the older leaders are married and/or moved off, however, I think God wants the younger kiddies, namely those my age, to step up into those roles. Heavy stuff.
I can hardly think, so I'll try to find time to finish this thought tomorrow.

The sinuey influence of ladies, and Saturdays at 5:30AM

First off, thanks for the link to my blog from Sarah Jo (http://cupofjo.blogspot.com), an old friend from me college days at LeTourneau. Mysteriously, however, this link has compelled me to update my blog again, lest someone follow the link and take me for a lazy bum that never updates.
I think I wasted an opportunity this morning. I had been thinking last night about whether or not to go to a men's breakfast and discipleship meeting at 6:00 this morning (as it said in the church bulletin last week.) After a few minutes of waffling at 5:15 this morning, I finally deceided to go, remembering a Bible verse that (poorly paraphrased, probably) said "You will find Me, if you seek Me with all your heart", which I took to include getting up way too early on a Saturday. I got to the church at 6, and discovered that no one ws there! After waiting until 6:15, and thinking about what God's purpose might be in leading me to an empty church parking lot early on a Saturday, I was getting ready to leave when a car finally pulled up with a gent telling me that the meeting was going to start at 7, and that he was there to setup. Here is the mistake: I left after we spoke for a minute to go home and do laundry, but I didn't return at 7. I went with parents into the DC suberbs all morning and afternoon (free breakfast, plus I found a copy of the board game "Risk 2110"!), and have gotten home now (obviously,) but I still don't feel right about not waiting or returning to the church. Did I miss an opportunity to learn/grow? Did I fail to seek "with all my heart"?
Anyhow, not too much I can do about it now... I might take a nap for awhile.

Still chugging along

I really need to get into the rhythm of posting as soon as possible after I've had a good thought (if I decide to keep blogging in the near future...) Yesterday's Bible study was...okay. The topics were all over the place, completely scatterbrained. I could hardly keep up. I really don't like those kinds of studies much. I'd must rather have a smooth flow of idea, rather than semi-silly tangents all the time. Anyhow, it is late and I am tired and I hope this made some kind of sense. Nothing big planned for the weekend. Bummer.

The trial period

I've nearly lost all hope for this blog ever being something. It's rapidly becoming tiresome to me to post my thoughts here, only to have them heard by no one. My original idea of "If you post it, they will come" doesn't exactly work. I've been so bored the past few months- nothing seems to hold my interest for long at all. The guys I hang out with all seem to have their own lives, whereas mine is spent trying to hang onto them. My own hobbies- hiking, fishing, reading- are all done by myself, and are rapidly becoming dull and unexciting. I don't want this prayer group at my house every week as much as I want someone to talk to DAILY about my hopes and problems. We sit, we talk for a while, and after I've shared (usually the shortest of the group,) I drift off into my own little world for the next hour and a half, while the rest of the group yaks on about this or that problem, half-gossiping, then praying elaborately while I dream about everything but God. Even God Himself holds little interest for me right now. I read the other day that we will find God if we seek him with all our heart. Maybe God's trying to break me down to do that. In any case, I've written too much already. Out.

Anybody out there?

Alright, since I lost my update last time, I'll pre-type my blog in Word before posting.
That said, it's been quite a few days since my last update. Yesterday was my birthday- 24
years old now. Where did the best times of my life go? College is a done deal, work is
long and dull, and my "fun" has been getting consistently blander since graduation. True,
I probably over-glorify the "good ol' days", as many tend to. Still, I've only seen a
friend from LeTourneau ONCE in the past 2+ years. The nearest classmate lives in Georgia.
It's tough to sever connections with so many old friends so cleanly. Part of my hope for
this blog was that I could attract old friends... Who knows if I attract anyone at all?
Blah. Anyhow, my newest distraction is "Puzzle Pirates", my first Online RPG.
Interesting stuff. I'm also reading "Guns, Germs, and Steel". And I still need to get
more fishing gear before the weekend.