Misunderstandings

Last week, I asked so much about the will to follow God because, in all honesty, I did not want to be the one to choose to follow God; I wanted God to make that choice for me.

A few months ago, I decided that since I was incapable of following God in my own power, I would instead completely quit trying to do so. That's been a big reason why I haven't had a deep, thoughtful blog post since October.

In part, I was afraid of screwing up again, and I was tired of following God "in my own power."
In part, I misunderstood what it meant to follow God.
In part, I was just being lazy.

I did not want to have to struggle with my own shortcomings and battle back every temptation, and since since God said that we must rely on His own power, that's exactly what I thought I was doing until today. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I figured that all I needed to do was pray "God, I want to follow you, so... do your thing!" and then wait around for some kind of holy beam of light to descend from heaven and blast me with instant sanctification. I wanted to be Saul on the road to Damascus - I wanted direct intervention from God. Lately, I've been so frustrated with my lack of progress that I've begun asking God to give me pain - a "thorn in the flash", so to speak - as a trade off for my sanctification. I've been trying to bargain with God, and it's obviously not working.

With this as background, I'll ask my question a bit differently: How does God soften a resisting Christian's heart?